Stuck in a Moment

This was not even in my top 25 favorite U2 songs until the recent concert. It was performed so simply with just Bono singing and The Edge on acoustic guitar. The words struck me and I found myself realizing I needed them said to me.

It is almost every day that I think "later will be better", that life is going to get easier. And it probably will, but it might not. I can't keep getting stuck waiting and wishing and hoping. Forgetting to live.

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I'm not afraid of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find a decent melody
A song that I can sing in my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere, baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake, the colours that you bring
But the nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me
I still listen through your ears, and through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough, and you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now... my oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it
Oh love look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm till you discover how deep...
I wasn't jumping... for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better now
You're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along the stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass

Oh Praise the One

I got really mad this weekend. I found out something that made me feel terribly disrespected.

It would make me feel really good for about a half a second to use this platform of a blog to talk about that in detail, but it'd be pointless and passive aggressive.

And so shallow.

I'm so sad right now over something totally unrelated. It's not my place to talk about it, but it's a big deal and it just goes to prove how broken this world is, and how desperately in need of a Savior we are.

You know that line in Jesus Paid it All? "Sin has left a crimson stain"

It's not just that our sin leaves a crimson stain on us. Many times our sin spews on and stains everyone around us as well - broken hearts, shattered dreams, utter disappointment...

"...He washed it white as snow"

I need to live in that truth. That no matter how stained I feel sometimes by someone else's bad behavior, I've been washed white as snow. Free to love and be loved in the midst of that pain.

One day when my brain works right again my blogs will make sense.

I'm going to be writing a blog about doing life together. Not now, but soon.

Yes, I'm alive

I just had another baby and so, you know, I'm a little busy.

Go visit my mom blog for the birth story, if you are interested in stuff like that.

a little bit about Danny and my introversion

I love him.

He was gone this weekend and boy did I miss him. He travels for work every couple months, so it's not like we're never apart. But he was off having nothing but fun. And I LOVE it when Danny's relaxed and having fun, so I missed experiencing that.

I'm glad he got to go do what he did though. We can't be everything to each other, you know? Sometimes we need to be with other people and that's ok. It has to be ok. He can't meet all my needs, and I can't meet all of his. God didn't make human relationships to work that way.

Ok, so I am an introvert. Most people associate that word with shyness. Well I am not shy. The real thing with introverts is that you draw your energy from time by yourself, whereas extroverts draw their energy from time with other people.

So I was looking forward to the weekend. I'd have a good 5 hours each day to myself (during Olive's naps and after she went to bed, before I would be ready to go to bed). I discovered a couple things pretty quickly.

First, I'm not THAT much of an introvert. 5 hours? come on, after about 2 hours I was just insanely lonely.

Second, getting energized by time alone and not being able to share that energy with Danny was pretty frustrating for me. Especially because often (especially lately in my pregnant state) I feel like I am not available for him in the ways I like to be.

So in some ways it was a horrible weekend for me and in some ways it was great because of some things I learned about myself. Oh, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. For sure. But only if you're fond of the person in the first place. Which I very much am.

relationships are hard

Tonight I did something that I suck at.

I held my tongue and resisted the urge to be bitchy and manipulative in order to get my way.

I shared my feelings. But I did it from a place of honesty. Not sarcasm or defensiveness.

It was really hard. Because I really really really wanted my way.

But more than that I want to do relationship in a way that promotes growth and honesty and closeness.

Jesus helped me.

So as it turns out

I have some trust issues.

Not sure I'm ready to unpack all that right now though.

Not me

I only have 1 today. And maybe sometime before next Monday I will get back to blogging on a more regular basis.

I did NOT cry over french fries today. No way. Not me.